Don’t like what tone….?

ADHD people apparently don’t “act and sound” the way we should.  We are often accused of sounding or looking angry or interrupting too often…we don’t mean to.  Often we are concentrating on saying what we want to say, or even thinking about other things and while speaking on something else, and sometimes we are just very animated and theatrical to watch.  I often explained to others that if I interrupt to ask about something or get something in it’s because they are saying too much at once for me to take in and if I don’t get a  moment to regroup I have about 5 seconds remaining before they start sounding like a Peanuts cartoon.

I can’t help but get angry at others’ intolerance and unwillingness/inability to realize we are not all made the same.

At any rate, this forum at least told me I am not alone in this miserable dilemma.  The link I believe picks up on page 2 so if you want the OP you’ll have to go to page 1 (duh…but I have not had coffee yet so bear with me).  Enjoy!

 

http://totallyadd.com/forum/topic.php?id=1676&page=2

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Some who know “I’m enough”…

My lack of trust in others hit an all time low this last year.

It’s so easy to tell me “You’ve got to learn to trust people or you’ll never…”  Yeah yeah yeah.

Truthfully I really CAN’T trust most to be honest.  Most can’t BE trusted, not by my standards I suppose.  And part of feeling that way is  a heavy lack of validation from others, since I don’t have many people I could consider “friends” on any level.  Some friends are intimate, while others are what I call “high quality acquaintances”…people whom I do not know well or who know me well but they really seem genuine and when I run into them I couldn’t be more delighted.  These are very valuable and should have their own level of respect; they will always be fabulous to you with minimal emotional investment and make life so fun.

There are a few places and people who value what I have to give, so I think it’s important to document those for future reference.  Sometimes when things get overwhelming it’s easy to overlook these great folks who let me be who I am and like what I offer them.  In return I also think they are great, and in spite of my feeling I am “not enough” for them, they are wonderful enough to disagree, so here goes:

Mom and Dad — got lucky with mine!

Ronnie — 9yr old client

Jared — 11yr old client

Laurie and her family — she is my 61yr old client

Trouble and Pandy — my cats

David — my recent ex, oddly enough

Tressa — a great friend, very wise

Leeanna — best friend from 4th grade

Brett — 27ish yr old client

some folks at the SPCA Dallas

Skip — long time friend

another David — high quality acquaintance who moved to Thailand

Mack — cutie I know

Kay — another wise woman and friend

Beff — friend of several years; I don’t see her often enough

Dr Loftus — my chiropractor

Piper — awesome friend

Bob in Austin — friend of several years, another who lets me be me

 

I’ll add on as needed, but I think for now this helps.  Next time I forget I have a list in the works.

Top Ten ADHD Tips plus 20 more…found on about.com

10 Things Adults with ADD Would Like Their Partners To Know

From Eileen Bailey,Your Guide to Attention Deficit Disorder.

I am a person, I have feelings, the capacity to give and receive love, and I yearn for compassion, understanding and caring in my life, just as you do. My thinking process and my learning style may be different, but that does not change my emotional needs.

Remember to find joy in my uniqueness.

Never assume that a careless word was intentional until you talk it over with me.

Take the time to learn as much as you can about ADD. Learning about it validates me.

Acknowledge my positive attributes and strengths and don’t dwell on my faults and shortcomings.

I have ADD, I cannot get over it or get rid of it. I can, however, learn to manage symptoms of it. Some days I will be better at this than others.

I do not use ADD as an excuse.

ADD can cause me to be distracted. If you have something important to discuss, please save it for a time when distractions are at a minimum. Sit down with me, turn off the TV, make sure the kids are in bed.

Affirm that I am loveable and you love me in spite of my faults.

Because I have ADD, don’t conclude that all relationship problems are my fault. Acknowledge your responsibilities for relationship difficulties and take corrective action

From Eileen Bailey,Your Guide to Attention Deficit Disorder.

20 More Things Adults with ADD Would Like Their Partners To Know:  Submitted by members

  1. There is no correlation between ADHD and intelligence!
  2. I am not selfish or lazy.
  3. I may have to take notes, and if I write something that’s irrelevant to the discussion, it’s because I want to get it out of my brain so it doesn’t distract me from what you’re saying.
  4. I’m not deliberately misunderstanding you. I do tend to latch on to a picture of what you’re saying, and it can be wrong. If I ask interminable questions, it’s because I want to be sure I get what you’re saying. It’s a sign of respect for you.
  5. If I’m out of order, just tell me that. I get conclusions mixed in with facts easily, and with a little patience, we can work out what needs to come first, middle, and last.
  6. I want my partner to allow me to win (Don’t focus on what I did not get done or what I did incorrectly, look for what I have completed and accomplished and ignore the rest.)
  7. Have the patience to allow me to learn what they are trying to teach.
  8. You are one of the people who sustain me, and quirks or no quirks.. I have every intention of meeting your needs.
  9. I try. Even if it looks like I’m not. I am also as tired of failures (maybe more) than you are. Just remember I try.
  10. I am frustrated with my abhorent short term memory.
  11. I prefer to refer to ADD as “Multi Focal Cognition” a term that better describes my drifting thoughts and tanganteal conversations.
  12. The answer to the question: “Why can’t you just get your act together and do things like normal people?” is: “Normal is a selection on a washing machine, imagine how boring we’d all be if we were all normal.”
  13. ADD is not something that gets “cured,” but that gets treated and something that one lives with every day.
  14. I will probably always forget thing, lose things, miss details and have difficulty paying attention. Some days will be better than others.
  15. We think a little different, just as it is tough to understand how we think in your mind, so it is with us to understand how your mind “works”. It doesn’t make us stupid or uncaring, just different!
  16. No two ADDers’ symptoms and main problems are going to be exactly alike,
  17. No one ADDer is going to be exactly the same in magnitude of problems from day to day.
  18. Never forget that we’re in this “together”, to support, teach and learn from one another, always remembering that we all have challenges to conquer and we need to keep a positive attitude in meeting our challenges.
  19. This is not anyone’s fault, it just “is”.
  20. Accept me for who I am and relish my uniqueness.

Partners and Friends of ADHD — a PSA

I saw this article and thought the coping techniques damn near perfect. Fucking ROLL WITH IT.

http://adhdmanagement.com/for-partners-of-people-wi…

What many don’t get about ADHD is that we’re very expressive, and just because we’re emphatic or theatrical about something, what you are seeing is not necessarily reflective of how we feel. We can yell and cuss about the asshat that just cut us off in traffic and get it out of our system while all along in side we’re thinking “happy happy I want steak for dinner the sky sure is pretty today work chest and biceps at the gym call mom”.

Really, we’re fine. I for one have survived going on 41 years with this and plan on at least as many more, even longer. Help a theatrical driver out by following with “YEAH he sucks!” Roll with it.

I can’t find the original article, but the video I had found with it was from a series of vids on some little lamb who had been rescued and grew up to be a happy sheep. The blog I first found this clip in basically talked about how ADHD people pretty much just have their own good time as long as the normal folks quit trying to make us act like we don’t have ADHD. “See the happy sheep having a great time playing with the dog? He’s the ADHD guy. All those other sheep standing around being bored and looking confused are the normal people who wish they could have as much fun.”

Sometimes it’s really, really true!

http://blogs.discovery.com/daily_treat/2011/01/watc…

Enjoy!

And roll with it dammit!

If you meet Mr. Hyde in the road…

Today I learned something I already knew.

There are things you know in the academic sense and may even pass on to others in the purest sincerity. They are smart things, and you truly believe in them.  Then there are those moments of clarity in which you find yourself not only knowing it, but slam-dunked headfirst right into the pit of it and you really see what you have been saying all along.

Today I had to break up with a person I just began seeing, and in my heart of hearts I hate to see her go.  This was my first real dating attempt, my first genuine interest-with-potential, since my split with my partner of five years before.

Don’t scoff at my five years, that’s more like 15 in Blue years!

Anyway, I had gotten to that infamous point where you say “I’m done, I now commit my time to developing into the best crazy cat lady I can be!” and throw in the towel.

The only detail I will give on my reason for the split was communication-related incompatibility.  I am too direct and she isn’t direct enough, we said.

The cardinal rule I broke:  No matter how great you think someone is, no matter how much you care for them, you have to look at who you become in their presence.  If you become you’re worst features in their presence, or become something you never wanted to be, and you can’t fix it, it’s time to go.

In this situation I became the Power Problem Solver Clinger Enabler Binge Eating Lady.  Not okay.  If I become that person long enough I become Constantly Sick and Bitchy Fight Picking Abusive Lady, and that is neither okay with me nor with the Power Above, so I called it quits.  In this second half of my life, I have to break the cycles I have perpetuated in different manifestations all throughout the first half, alternating between the bully and the victim, the dependent and the enabler.  I am claiming my right to have a good time and be successful and establish my own rules of life.

I did email her and tell her I call this proof of incompatibility, and that I hoped we could establish a friendship in the future.  She said to call it whatever I want, and that it was not likely to happen.

And so it goes.